This blog post is specifically going to deal with sexual sin by looking at Proverbs 5, 6, and 7. I will be jumping around these chapters to get a holistic view of sexual sin. Also, I originally taught some of this content to the college students at the church I serve, but have increasingly had a desire to condense and revise it in order to put it on this blog so that it would benefit others. With that said, much more could be said than what is in this post! Let’s get started.
Within Proverbs 5, 6, and 7 we will see a father address his son with loving wisdom regarding the dangers of the adulterous woman and adultery in general.
For men, these chapters are informing us of two things. First, we need to guard our hearts against lusting after women because it will ultimately lead to our destruction. Secondly, we do not need to entice a woman.
For women, these chapters are also informing you of two things. First, you need to guard your hearts against a predatory man. . .one seeking to woo you, win you, and speak sweetly to you, but who will ultimately destroy you. Secondly, do not seek to allure a man sexually with how you act and dress.
Solomon-Speaking from Experience
Now, the father that is giving this advice to his son learned the dangers of sexual immorality the hard way. I say that because King Solomon is the father in this discourse. And, from the biblical witness, Solomon was a man that was given to sexual immorality.
In 1 Kings 11 we read, “Now King Solomon loved many foreign women.” The Scripture goes on to say, “Solomon clung to these in love. He had 700 hundred wives and 300 concubines,” as well as, “They turned away his heart and he began to follow other gods.” As is evident, Solomon knew the devastating effects of sexual immorality experientially. With this in mind, he is seeking to give wisdom to his son throughout these three chapters in Proverbs so that his son might not fall into the same trap that he did.
The Desperate Need for Wisdom in this Area
My son, be attentive to my wisdom; incline your ear to my understanding that you may keep discretion, and your lips may guard knowledge. For the lips of a forbidden woman drip honey, and her speech is smoother than oil, but in the end she is bitter as wormwood, and sharp as a two-edged sword. Her feet go down to death; her steps follow the path to Sheol; she does not ponder the path of life; her ways wander, and she does not know it. (Proverbs 5:1-6)
As we look at this, we see two appeals from Solomon!
- “Be attentive to my wisdom”
- “Incline your ear to my understanding.”
Every time Solomon is about to address the son about the adulterous woman and adultery in general, there is always an appeal for the son to listen to the father’s instructions so that he can gain wisdom and understanding (Proverbs 5:7; 6:20; 7:1-2).
Moreover, in chapter 7 we are given an example of what Solomon saw one day as he was looking down from his castle. And it was this, a simple boy amongst a bunch of youths that lacked sense. It was this boy that fell into the sin of sexual immorality and thus destroyed himself. Therefore, it is evident that the simple, the ones that lack knowledge and understanding of the appeal of sexual sin, the embrace of sexual sin, the true nature of sexual sin, and the consequences of sexual sin, are the ones that succumb to sexual sin.
So, let’s incline our ears to the Word of God and listen to what our Lord has to say about sexual sin. This will lead, as the text says, to “discretion and guarding knowledge!” That phrase just means that we will be able to make the proper decisions in any given circumstance. . . even when the adulterous woman comes out to entice us and when sexual immorality is bidding us to partake in it. With that said, let’s begin gaining wisdom by looking at the initial appeal of sexual Immorality.
The Initial Appeal of Sexual Sin
The text quoted about said, “Her lips drip honey and her speech is smoother than oil.” The adulteress is revealing the very nature of sexual sin isn’t she? Sexual sin initially appears delightful, sweet, easy to partake in, and enjoyable. It is simply not like other sins in its appeal.
I mean, murder does not look sweet and delicious to the eyes. Theft does not come with a strong appeal of deep satisfaction. Dishonoring parents doesn’t look like honey to a hungry soul! This, however, is exactly what the adulterous woman looks like.
Sexual immorality initially seems to promise our soul many good things. It seems to present something that ought to be partaken in and delighted in. It looks like something to be enjoyed and gratified by. That is the nature of both the adulterous woman and sexual sin. In their initial appeal, they are very deceptive.
And sexual sin’s deception does not stop here. Solomon gives more insight throughout these chapters of the strong appeal that the adulterous woman has. In Proverbs 6:24-25, Solomon says that the adulterous woman has a smooth tongue, that she is beautiful, and that she has eyelashes that capture men. So, the adulterous has a smooth tongue. She has a way with words that strokes the male ego. She uses her voice in subtle ways to allure and persuade men. This is seen in Proverbs 7:21 as well when we read, “With much seductive speech she persuades him, with her smooth talk she compels him.”
She also has physical beauty that she uses to her own advantage as she seeks to draw men in. Chapter 7 says that, “She is dressed like a prostitute, wily of heart.” So, she dresses in a manner that reveals her desire for sexual intimacy. When men see her, they cannot help but think that she is interested in promiscuity.
And she has eyelashes that are captivating. So she shows men interest. She looks at them, shows interest in them, and goes out of her way to gain the their attention.
This is the initial appeal of the adulteress. This is what one sees from afar. This is what allures and tempts. And it is overwhelmingly appealing isn’t it? But, keep in mind, this is only its initial appeal. It is not what she truly is. Rather, she is incredibly crafty. That is why the Scripture says, “She is wily of heart.” She is cunning. She is a hunter dressed in camouflage waiting to kill her prey. This is why these chapters are so important for us. We must get wisdom in regards to sexual immorality’s initial appeal.
However, to know the initial appeal is not enough in and of itself. We also need wisdom in understanding sexual immorality’s initial embrace.
The Initial Embrace of Sexual Sin
For at the window of my house I have looked out through my lattice, and I have seen among the simple, I have perceived among the youths, a young man lacking sense, passing along the street near her corner, taking the road to her house in the twilight, in the evening, at the time of night and darkness. And behold the woman meets him. (Proverbs 7:6-10)
This young man is simple. He is naïve. And, as if that weren’t bad enough, he also isn’t around a bunch of men with wisdom. Rather, he’s among a bunch of youths that lack wisdom. So, he is ignorant and lacking sense and around others that are ignorant and lacking sense!
And look, he is headed to the adulteress’s street. He is taking the road to her house. And it is at night time when sexual immorality happens to be rampant. So, he is tempting the devil to tempt him. And, with this being the case, the adulterous woman comes out to meet him in order to tempt him sexually.
And think about the strength of this temptation. The naïve young man runs into the adulteress in the evening. Her lips are dripping honey and her speech is smoother than oil. She is beautiful and dressed in a way that shows her desire for sexual intimacy. She is looking at him in an alluring way showing him that she is interested in him. As you can tell, this is not good. This is just the initial appeal though. The initial embrace is even worse.
Proverbs 7:13-15 says, “She seizes him and kisses him, and with bold face she says to him, ‘I had to offer sacrifices, and today I have paid my vows; so now I have come out to meet you, to seek you eagerly, and I have found you.”
The lips that drip honey embrace the young man’s lips. This is a bold sexual encounter! And look, she begins to present herself, not as devoutly promiscuous woman that lives a life of unrestrained sexual immorality, but as a religious woman. She says, “I had to offer sacrifices, and today I have paid my vows.” So, she has been to the temple to “offer up” sacrifices and vows to God.
But, let’s be honest, her heart is not set truly on God. Rather, she uses religion to her own advantage. She uses it to ease her conscience and also to woo her prey. So, she plays the hypocrite with God all the while she seduces man.
Still Seen Today (Excursus)
This mode of attack is still common today. There are many people out there that use Christianity to assuage their consciences. They live immorally, go to church to fill better about themselves, and then step back into a life of immorality.
And, both men and women, still masquerade as Christians all the while using it to their own advantage. They seek to woo a member of the opposite sex by their religiosity in order to get to their own end. They use religion to get the other person to let their guard down so that they can get them to fall into sexual sin with them. Do not be deceived by this!
Initial Embrace Continued
And then look, she tells the young man, “I have come out to meet you, to seek you eagerly, and I have found you.” Look at how crafty and manipulative she is. She is seeking to make him feel important. She wants him to feel special. She wants him to feel like he is the only one she intended to be with. But, as is apparent in the text, she has not really been seeking him at all. Proverbs 7:11-12 says, “She is loud and wayward; her feet do not stay at home; now in the street, now in the market, and at every corner she lies in wait.”
So, in reality, she is always out and about just waiting for her next prey. This man is not special to her. She cannot reveal this truth though. She cannot embrace him as though he is merely prey. That would not be nearly as successful a strategy for her. Therefore, she embraces him like he is special. She embraces him like he is all she has ever desired.
And is this not the case even today. Whether it be in high school, college, or in your career, at the gym, church, or job, the people that are sexually promiscuous are good with their words. They know how to make a person feel incredibly important. They make people feel like they are the ones that they have been waiting for. They are sweet talkers and know exactly what to say.
But they are not doing this out of sincerity. They are doing this for their own end. . . and that end is immorality. So, look beyond the mere words of an individual. Look at the way of life. Look at holiness, godliness, and knowledge of the Bible. Don’t be easily led astray by mere words!
So, as you can see, the initial embrace of sexual immorality is daunting. It gets even worse though. Look at Proverbs 7:16-20 where she says:
I have spread my couch with coverings, colored linens from Egyptian linen; I have perfumed my bed with myrrh, aloes, and cinnamon. Come, let us take our fill of love till morning, let us delight ourselves with love. For my husband is not at home; he has gone on a long journey; he took a bag of money with him; at full moon he will come home.
The adulteress has been preparing for this moment. The bait has been set. The couch is covered, nice linens are spread out, the perfume has been poured on, the husband is not home, and no one will find out!
And notice how she says, “Come, let us take our fill of love till morning, let us delight ourselves in love.” She is tempting him to sexual immorality by presenting it as love! She is using the longing of the human heart, a desire to be loved, to manipulate her prey. This is a tactic that is both deceptive and successful. And then in verse 21 Solomon says, “With much seductive speech she persuades him; with her smooth talk she compels him.”
So, this is the initial embrace of sexual sin! And it is very apparent, as we have seen, that the initial appeal and the initial embrace of sexual immorality are overwhelmingly powerful. It seems like sexual sin, for some reason, tends to carry a unique amount of both power and deception. With this being the case, we most certainly need to know the true nature of sexual sin. Thankfully Solomon gives us much detail regarding this.
The True Nature of Sexual Sin
But in the end she is bitter as wormwood, sharp as a two-edged sword. (Proverbs 5:4)
This is sexual sins end. The adulterous’ initial appeal distracts us from the end that she will bring. She promises sweet pleasure but, in the end, she is bitter as wormwood. She promises gratification and satisfaction but, in the end, she cuts like a two-edged sword.
I am telling you, before people partake in sexual sin, they are not thinking “What is this going to do to my soul, my spouse, my children, my reputation?” Rather, they are thinking, “Honey!” “Oil on the Lips!” “Satisfaction!” This is all they are thinking about. And, because of this, they are blinded to what will follow!
Also, look at Proverbs 5:5 where Solomon says,“Her feet go down to death; her steps follow the path to Sheol; she does not ponder the path of life; her ways wander, and she does not know it.”
This shows us how sexual sin has impacted the adulterous herself. I mean, she is walking in darkness. She is headed straight for death. Just look at how unrestrained sexual sin has destroyed her. She does not even think about living a holy or righteous life. She wanders, or is unstable, in her ways as she heads to judgment without even knowing it. It is as though her unrestrained sexual immorality has taken away any thought of God.
And this is the nature of sexual sin isn’t it? The longer one partakes in it, the harder their heart becomes. The longer sexual sin is indulged in, the less we think about the things of God. This is honestly why it is so foolish to say, “I will enjoy this sin for a season and then I will repent of it.” That is not how this works.
That view has the presupposition that we have mastered sin and that we can partake and repent of it any time that we desire. This is not true. It is a lie for the enemy of our souls. You see, biblically speaking, sin has mastered us and we are enslaved to it. The only hope that we can be released from its mastery is repentance (which is a gift of God) and faith in Jesus (who obliterated the dominating power of sin on the cross). And, from the Scripture, the longer you put off repentance, the less likely God will gift you with it. So, before you become like the adulterous woman, not even pondering the things of God and following the path leading to destruction, repent and turn to Jesus in faith.
Alright, Let’s continue looking at the true nature of sexual sin. Proverbs 5:7-14 says:
And now, O sons, listen to me, and do not depart from the words of my mouth. Keep your way far from her, and do not go near the door of her house, lest you give your honor to others and your years to the merciful, less strangers take their fill of your strength, and your labors go to the house of a foreigner, and at the end of your life you groan, when your flesh and body are consumed, and you say, ‘How I hated discipline, and my heart despised reproof! I did not listen to the voice of my teacher or incline my ear to my instructors. I am at the brink of utter ruin in the assembled congregation.
Let’s focus on, “Lest you give your honor to others and your years to the merciless.” You see, through this act of sexual immorality your honor will be taken away. Just think about David. Wasn’t this true of him? He was a man after God’s own heart who served the Lord many years of his life, yet, bring up David’s name in mixed company and it is his adultery that is mentioned first. This is also the case with Samson and Solomon. These men are remembered more for their adultery than they are for their obedience. It’s clear, sexual sin of this sort will take away honor!
Moreover, Solomon says, “And your years will be given to the merciless.” You must know that people are a harsh. They are not merciful, forgiving, or gracious. When people hear that somebody has had an affair or committed sexual immorality of some sort, they will mock and slander your name. Just look at the newspaper headlines or gossip magazine covers. Affairs make the front page. People simply delight in being merciless.
Then he says, “Lest strangers take their fill of your strength and your labors go to the house of a foreigner.” So, oftentimes sexual sin of this sort (adultery) leads to poverty. Everything you have is taken away and given to a stranger. This is not always the case, but it is generally true. A season of financial hardship often comes on those who have affairs.
And then he says, “And at the end of your life you groan, when your flesh and body are consumed, and you say, ‘how I hated discipline and my heart despised reproof! I did not listen to the voice of my teachers or incline my ear to my instructors. I am at the brink of utter ruin in the assembled congregation.’” Sexual sin has the tendency to destroy your conscience. As you see the devastating effects of such sin, you want to go back and take heed to the counsel you heard when you were younger, but it is too late. The flesh has been gratified, a life has been wasted, and death is right around the corner.
And lastly, look at how Solomon put the true nature of the adultery and sexual sin. Proverbs 7:23 says, “All at once he follows her, as an ox goes to the slaughter, or as a stag is caught fast, till an arrow pierces its liver; as a bird rushes into a snare; he does not know that it will cost him his life.” This is horrific. I mean, this sin is bitter as wormwood and sharper than a two-edged sword. It takes away honor, leads people to be merciless towards you, it destroys your conscience, and it often times enraptures its victim so much so that it leads to eternal death. It will cost you your life!
And even though this sin is this destructive, because of its initial appeal and initial embrace, it destroys many people! Solomon says in Proverbs 7:25-27, “Let not your heart turn aside to her ways, do not stray into her paths, for many a victim has she laid low, and all her slain are a mighty throng. Her house is the way of Sheol, going to down to the chambers of death.”
This sin has brought down Samson, David, and Solomon. Sexual sin brings down pastors, theologians, seminary professors, seminarians, CEO’s, doctors, politicians, teachers, etc. It brings down both the wealthy and the poor, the wise and the ignorant, Christians and non-christians, men and women, young and old. It is bringing down people left and right in our day. Sexual sin’s victims are a mighty throng. It continues to slay thousands upon thousands!
And since this is the true nature of sexual sin, we need to know how to die to this most deadly vice!
How to Die to Sexual Sin
First, stay away from it! Proverbs 6:8 says, “Keep your way far from her, and do not go near the door of her house.” This shows the strong nature of sexual sin doesn’t it? It is something that we must avoid all together. We must not even get close to it, for in getting close to it, we will find ourselves in its trap.
It is remarkable how, all to often, this simple warning is not heeded. People trifle with sexual sin as though it isn’t that dangerous! They fool themselves by saying:
- “I can get close to it but not completely succumb to it.”
- “I can do this or that and it will not affect me.”
- “I can view this website without going to that website.”
- “I can go to this party without doing this particular thing.”
- “I can date this particular guy without giving in like his last girlfriend.”
- “I can develop a really close friendship with a co-worker of the opposite sex without getting involved emotionally or sexually.”
- “I can watch this particular movie without succumbing to lust.”
All the while, Solomon is pleading with his son to stay FAR away from the adulterous. . . . do not even go NEAR her house!
With that said, it really is sad that this disposition of the heart towards sexual sin is not seen in our day. We simply play around with it not thinking that we will succumb to it. All the while our fragile self-control falls apart and we end up on the path to destruction. . . like a city with broken down walls.
Secondly, rid yourselves of lust. Proverbs 6:25 says, “Do not desire her beauty in your heart, and do not let her capture you with her eyelashes.” This is sexual sin in its beginning. It is desiring her beauty in your heart. Therefore, repent of lust and seek to purify your mind by saturating yourself with the things of God and thoughts about Christ.
Thirdly, gain wisdom. These three passages are filled with exhortations to gain wisdom, knowledge, and understanding so that we can have discretion. Therefore, study up on sin. Read books about sin and how we are to kill it.
Fourthly, understand one of God’s providential means to keep you from sexual sin. Proverbs 6:15-20 says:
Drink water from you own cistern, flowing water from you own well. Should your springs be scattered abroad, streams of water in the streets? Let them be for yourself alone, and not for strangers with you. Let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice in the wife of your youth, a lovely deer, a graceful doe. Let her breasts fill you at all times with delight; be intoxicated always in her love. Why should you be intoxicated, my son, with a forbidden woman and embrace the bosom of an adulteress?
Pertaining to this passage, Ray Ortlund says:
And God is saying, “Satisfy your thirst through lovemaking with your wife.” Look what the Lord is not saying. He is not saying, “There’s temptation out there? Then what you need is a will of iron. You need steely determination. So here is your future—endless frustration bottled up inside.” Obviously we all need self-control if we are going to have emotional structures above a five-year-old level. Verse 23 warns against a ‘lack of discipline.’ But God’s remedy for your thirst for sex is sex, overflowing sexual joy with your wife. That is what he means in verse 15 by ‘your own cistern’ and ‘your own well.’ Your wife is your own personal and private, divinely approved wellspring of endless sexual satisfaction.
So, understand that God is not some kill joy that is forbidding you to enjoy your natural God-given desire for sex. Rather, He is a gracious God that has given you the institution of marriage for the regular satifaction of those desires with your spouse!
Lastly, a greater view of the worth of Christ. Thomas Chalmers said this in a sermon titled The Expulsive Power of a New Affection:
In a word, if the way to disengage the heart from the positive love of one great and ascendant object, is to fasten it in positive love to another, then it is not by exposing the worthlessness of the former, but by addressing to the mental eye the worth and excellence of the latter, that all old things are to be done away and all things are to become new.
Chalmers is saying that our hearts are often engaged in a positive love for a great and ascendant object that has our affections. In our case, it would be sexual immorality. And the way to disengage our hearts from this object, sexual immorality, is to expose our hearts and affections to something far more worthy and excellent. Thus, we need our affections set on something that is far superior, satisfying, and glorious than sexual sin. Thus, we need to set our eyes on the Lord Jesus Christ.
If we want to rid ourselves of sexual immorality, we must set our hearts and affections on Christ. We must always seek to be getting an education in his infinite worth and value. We need to understand that He is a fountain of living water that satisfies the weary soul. We need to see him as the eternal Son of God reigning in glory with His Father. We need to see him as the meek and sacrificial lamb that takes away the sins of the world. We need to see him weeping at the tomb of Lazarus. We need to see Him on the cross, bleeding, and dying as a substitute for sinners. We need to see him resurrecting in glory, restoring Peter, teaching the multitudes, and then ascending into heavens. We need to see him in heaven right now, interceding for us and being a faithful high priest on our behalf. And, when we see Christ, an object of more worth than a billion worlds, our hearts will be drawn from sexual sin and enraptured in Him. This is the key to killing this deadly sin.